I am human; sometimes I break down
I am human; sometimes I get scared
I am human; sometimes I feel lonely
I am human; sometimes I push myself too hard
I am human; I want to be more
I cannot stress enough how important self acceptance is. It has been a rocky path for me and I am sure it has been or will be for you as well. My relationship with myself has been tumultuous but I emerged victorious, basking in the rays of self love as I sit here typing this.
For many years, I had trouble accepting how absolutely human I am. There was always something that I wasn't doing enough. There was always a voice at the back of my mind telling me I should be more. More of what? I don't know. I did not allow myself the pleasures of being flawed. I questioned everything I did like I was a self-created parent for myself. My boyfriend used to joke around about how I was my own parent and it is true. I was my own parent for all intents and purposes and it was up to me to raise myself responsibly. What I did not realize was that I was being unnecessarily strict on myself based on my fears and anxieties. I did not allow myself to fly out of the nest.
I have held myself back from many things in fear of what people might think or of a potential bad outcome that may or may not manifest. I was living my life on someone else's terms and it made me uncomfortable. I am not going to lie. I had multiple existential crises within the short nineteen years of my life thus far. I have questioned myself and my beliefs. I felt like an oddball that did not belong. Well, to be fair, I still am an oddball and I may still not belong ,but for me, it does not matter anymore. I have grown and learned and I have lived according to the knowledge that I have gained. I have striven to be a better human being and I still am doing that every single day. Life is learning, loving and growing and those are the virtues I never want to give up.
Right now, I am living a wonderful life. I am happy and content and I am achieving more than I could ever have imagined. It wasn't always like this. Only two years ago, I was in the deepest hell I have ever known. Everyday was filled with darkness and hopelessness. It was a trying time for me and I could never comprehend how I got the strength to dig myself out of that grave, wipe off the soil and start functioning. I do not give myself enough credit for how strong I have been or the things that I manage to do and I feel like that needs to change.
I am self aware; maybe not perfectly but it's a work in progress. I accept myself for all that I am. I aim to please no one but myself. I am sufficient on my own and I am an infinite universe of love expanding itself. I know what my morals are and I know what I need to work on. I know that I will never truly be alone as long as I have myself. I love this vessel I have in which I will travel through life. I am human and I accept it completely. You're human too and darling, you've got to love yourself.
